Man dismisses his wife’s feelings as social-media influence: ‘If I ever try to bring up something to him that might be bothering me, he will often question whether I actually feel that way or if I found it on TikTok’

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Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Sep 17, 2026 2:30 PM EDT

Are we policing what people do with their free time now? Should extremely tired moms make even their free time productive?

I'm going to preface this piece by saying I don't agree with either the husband or the commentators in this post. I thought my point of view would be the most obvious, but apparently, it isn't. I can understand why exhausted moms feel so lonely these days. Modern life not only isolates them, and all of us, for that matter- but it also punishes them for looking for a somewhat escapist way to spend their (very little) free time.

The usual problem is that much of the housework moms do is invisible. Only their kids know it. A normal job is public; it's backed by a contract, has a schedule, a workweek, and most importantly, it's paid accordingly! A mom's job is viewed only as the natural thing for her to do.

This sort of story always amazes me because fathers know very well how tiring it is to care for kids all day.  

This issue about how people use their free time goes deeper than this, though. People not only judge mothers for how they use it. In my opinion, if we're not finding ways to let go of the mind and truly relax, free time is pointless.

Of course, we should find places to relate socially and not be in our heads or with screens all the time, but come on, are we going to be that hypocritical and judge a mother of two toddlers for escaping to TikTok sometime?

Maybe I'm exaggerating, but the husband's reaction to what his wife is commenting on is a little bit tendentious, and frankly, it's openly dismissive. If I were her, I would take it very seriously. It's very easy to come home when kids are tired and pretend you are doing all the work.

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    The man dismissing everything his wife brings up

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  • AIO My husband told me he would be happier and our lives would be better if I stopped using social media

    I (33F) am a SAHM to 3 kids (6, 3, & 1). My husband (36M) and I have been married for 8 years. Our 6-year-old started kindergarten just last week and I've been pretty emotional about it because it all seems like it
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  • happened so fast. So maybe I'm just a little extral sensitive and vulnerable right now. My husband works a pretty high-stress corporate job. Long hours, some travel but not too much, getting calls at home in the evening kind
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  • of stuff. When he's home he's a great dad to our kids and he spends a lot of energy hanging out and playing with them. It's frustrating for me because he comes home from work and gets
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  • to be the "fun dad" while I'm at home with them all day doing all of the redirecting, teaching, soothing, problem solving, etc. It's not like I get a break when he's home either because one of the kids always needs
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  • something and there's 3 of them and only 2 of us. I feel like I'm constantly overwhelmed. That's not to say I don't like being a SAHM. I love my kids and I love that I get to spend so much time
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  • watching them grow up instead of them being in daycare all the time being raised by someone else. I am also very aware of how lucky I am that we are able to afford to live comfortably as a one- income household when
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    Is this the best way to go through parenting?


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  • that is becoming very rare these days. When I get any sliver of free time during the day I usually relax with some coffee and scroll social media. I know I could read a book or try to get a quick
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  • workout in, but more often than not I just want to sit and turn my brain off for a little while. It's not like I'm posting multiple things online or posting a bunch of stuff about our kids. I'm just scrolling TikTok, mostly mom and
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  • relationship stuff. Sometimes I will send my husband something that I find amusing or interesting but he doesn't even have Tik Tok on his phone so he always says "I can't even watch that." I've tried to
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  • get him to download it so that I can share stuff with him but he refuses because he says he "doesn't care about what some terminally online idiot has to say." I don't think he realizes that those few moments of downtime
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  • are pretty much my only relief these days. I just want him to care at least a little bit about these things that are of interest to me. We've fought about it a handful of times. He's told me on multiple occasions
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  • that he feels like he would be happier, our relationship would be better, and our overall lives would be better if I stopped using social media. But I don't think he realizes how lonely I feel sometimes and how much
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  • validation I feel from being able to see and hear other women who are going through the same things that I am. If I ever try to bring up something to him that might be bothering me, he
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  • will often question whether I actually feel that way or if I found it on TikTok and am now convinced it's an issue in our marriage because I never brought it up before. That me off every time because it's so
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  • invalidating and seems like. borderline gaslighting to me. He always tells me I need to get out more and to get the kids out of the house as well, especially now that our oldest is in school.
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  • But I'm also 100% convinced that he has no idea how much work that is to do with 2 toddlers because he only sees them at night when they're already exhausted and ready for bed and even then all he does is play
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  • with them. I feel like he doesn't even consider how much I need those few minutes of escapism just to reset my brain after raising our kids all day every day.
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  • roseofjuly I mean...on the one hand your husband does sound insensitive. On the other hand, it DOES sound like you need to get out of the house more. Of course it is difficult to do with two toddlers...but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.
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  • LizziestLiz If you're not taking the kids out to do things in your community, library, park, play dates, then you're not giving them a full life. It's also how you meet other moms in real life.
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    Watch out for resentment building up

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relationship advice family drama family feud relationships parenting family toxic relationship relationship drama parents
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